Note: This post corresponds to the Momic chapter: “The Fountain.” You can read it on Webtoon here.

One of my son’s first nicknames was “The Fountain.” In fact, 30 seconds after I gave birth, he baptised me into motherhood by peeing all over my abdomen and the nurse’s hands. 

Definitely a notable first impression for sure. 

As a mom I am always in the splash-zone. Not the cool waterpark one, but the projectile-formula-vomit, diaper change one. 

I now call my son’s wee “the water pistol”, and just like a real gun I always treat it like it’s loaded and dangerous. If you’ve never been personally victimised during a diaper-change…just wait, you will. It’ll catch you by surprise when you’re least expecting it. 

One mom hack I employed during the first month of my son’s life was changing him on dog pee-pads. I highly recommend this, as it allowed me to clean up an unexpected mess in seconds. You wouldn’t think you’d need a 2’x2’ pad to change a 7 lb baby, but you’d be surprised. Baby’s are long-range. 

I also learned that I should never place my son on something I don’t want to clean, including white bedsheets, as dried formula drool stains are more stubborn than convincing a preteen boy to shave his moustache. Invest in those burp-clothes. You won’t regret it.  

I remember once seeing a home-video of me sniping my Dad during a diaper-change. I guess this is just karma. While I’ve adapted my strategy, something tells me the projectile vomit is here to stay for the meantime. 

Oh well, just one of the joys of parenting!