the baby blanket
It is universally known that American College Students are broke. So, Most of my days as one, I would walk the downtown streets window shopping and fantasizing about what I would buy when I was rich and successful. (Still working on that part)
There was one shop in Particular that was my favorite to browse “The Paris Market”. One part cafe and three parts an eclectic mix of high-end household items, I was always particularly drawn to the children’s section.
There I would admire the expensive lavender-stuffed animals and take pictures of items I aspired to buy when I finally had kids.
Little did I know that day would come years before I anticipated.
There was one Item, a baby blanket, that had caught my attention for months prior to finding out I was pregnant. Every time I walked into the store, I’d look for it. as an illustration major, I loved the whimsical graphic of animals on a carousal. I aspired to draw something like it one day.
The only problem was that the blanket was $65.
If you ask my friends, I’m the best person to go out with if you don’t want to spend money. I am quite able to talk myself out of a frivolous purchase.
So the baby blanket stayed on those paris market shelves for months. That is, until I saw two life-changing pink lines in my bathroom.
The next Time I entered the Paris Market, The blanket was the last one there. it truly was an act of retail therapy that led me to finally buy it.
“Now or Never.” I thought.
at the time I hadn’t even made a decision about if I was going to continue my pregnancy. But looking back, that purchase was significant.
It was the first thing I ever bought for my son. It represented my fantasies and dreams for a beautiful future. It represented what I wanted for my son and myself.
It was truly my first act of acceptance, even though I still had a long way to go.
The blanket hung above my bed my entire pregnancy. In the tough days that followed, I would look up and remind myself of that fantasy for a happy future, and hope for it to come true.
On june 26th 2022 My son smiled for the first time. I was reminded of the day I bought the blanket. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself everything will be okay.
By the grace of God alone, I am okay.